Part 1: Behavior Is Communication: How to use the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics (NMT) as a lens for Understanding

If consequences, reward charts, and “talking it out” worked, you wouldn’t be here.

When a child is melting down and having big feelings, the issue is not that they’re spoiled, and it’s not parenting. It’s their brain state. That’s the foundation of the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics (NMT), developed by Dr. Bruce Perry.

In this 4-part series, we’ll look a little more closely at how NMT concepts can help us understand those big moments with our kiddos.

Let’s look at some of the core ideas.

The brain develops from the bottom up:

1. Brainstem – survival, arousal, regulation

2. Limbic system – emotion, attachment, relationships

3. Cortex – thinking, reasoning, impulse control

You cannot access the top if the bottom isn’t online. We all know this. We’ve all been in an argument with a spouse or stranger and been at a loss for words. Later, when we’re calm, we have the perfect words to say to communicate our point. Our cortex is back online. But we often get this wrong when we’re helping someone who is visibly upset, especially kids. We frequently go straight to the cortex. We use too many words, AND we expect them to use their words!

We use interventions aimed straight at the cortex:

• “Use your words.”

• “Think about your choices.”

• “What could you do differently next time?”

That only works if the child is already regulated.

What behavior actually is

Behavior is communication. Behavior can be a stress response. It is not a decision. When our nervous system perceives a threat (real or perceived), our brain shifts into survival mode. In that state:

• logic drops

• language access shrinks

• impulse control disappears

So when adults respond with punishment or lectures, the brain doesn’t learn. It typically defends.

When we use biologically and developmentally appropriate interventions, we can wonder what state the child is in. Are they in their thinking brain? If the answer is no, then it is not the time to use cognitive strategies.

Until that’s answered, interventions are guesswork.

Look for Part 2, which considers some ways we can work with people when it’s not the time for cognitive strategies.    

If you want more information on Dr. Perry’s work, check out “The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog” and “What Happened to You.”